i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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