Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
