I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
