You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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