I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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