Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
