She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
