Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
