I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
