Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
