I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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