Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
