I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
