Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
