Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
