My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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