His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
