i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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