the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
