I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
