That's intense
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
