If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
