I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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