By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
