I smell stomach acid.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
