I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I could fuck to npr.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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