he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
