I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
