I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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