Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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