bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
