Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
