so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
