Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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