I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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