are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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