Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
