we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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