sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish i was in the wii world.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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