Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
