she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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