don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
