mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
