Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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