WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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