wanna go halves on a baby?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
