Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
