i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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