at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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