somebody snuck up and got me drunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
