these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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